I’ve had an unusually rough week. Well, maybe not unusually. It’s been a rough almost 2 years with all of the personal challenges related to sick parents, moving multiple times, living in 3 states in a single year, etc. But I guess this week was one where everything was at the very front of my consciousness. I long ago reached the point of stuffing my feelings somewhere until they resurface as health issues or insomnia, but this week I sat and cried a lot. Although I also still had the health issues and insomnia.
Anyway.
Yesterday I was working on a painting tutorial (I do watercolor painting, for those who don’t know), because I’d decided rather recently to actually attempt video tutorials from start to finish. Normally I’d watch them from the sofa while lounging around, and then do my actual practice with book tutorials, but I felt like I was starting to stagnate.
The tutorial I attempted yesterday was a snowy forest, which I’d not tried before as I generally am terrible at trees and landscapes (even though I wish I wasn’t). But I’m motivated right now because I’d really like to paint my dad a snowy pine tree scene for Christmas. If he’s still here at Christmas anyway.
So I sat down at my painting table and worked my way through the tutorial, pausing the video many times so I could try to catch up. When I was done, I spent some time sitting in the quiet and feeling accomplished. And in that space, I noticed my energy had shifted. It was subtle, but there was a whisper of invigoration and positivity. And I also noticed that my aching elbow felt slightly better. Hmmm. These changes simply came from disappearing for 45 minutes into this made-up world of creativity, of blues and whites and trees and shadows and sky.
I know I am not doing enough of the important things that feed my spirit (painting, writing, tending to my plants, baking, reading). But I also have to cut myself some slack, because it’s really hard to do those things when you feel like you’re drowning all the time and that your physical energy was fully spent a year ago.
I’ve heard a number of spiritual teachers talk about how creativity is a huge part of the human experience. And I’ve heard others say that when you are not fully walking your path, or when you are fearful or full of negative emotions, that your physical health suffers.
I’ve found these sentiments to be true to an extent. And I also know that, when I really look over my life story, my daily choices and my runaway emotions do impact my health and energy levels. Stress is my very worst trigger for my health issues, and depression always impacts my ability to function and to sleep. Both of them impact how I choose to spend my time.
The emotional stuff transforms into the physical. Where else can it go?
I suppose the point of this post is two-fold:
- I am trying to nurture the part of me that used to write almost every day, and not just for work. I want to find the creative part of myself that retreated into the shadows back around 2021, and transform that creative expression into a positive impact on my body and mind.
- I am hoping to remind people of how much their emotions and their daily choices can impact their wellbeing. We should all be pursuing the parts of life that are important to us, and that allow us to be fully ourselves.
I guess that’s about it.
P.S. Here is a picture of the watercolor lesson I did last night.
